watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
