Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
