This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
