You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
