He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
