If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
