Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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