She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
