She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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