Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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