I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
