It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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