I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
