it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
