at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
