is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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