Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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