don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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