I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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