tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
