very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found puke in my bra..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
