I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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