he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
