Where is the hickey?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
