Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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