You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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