I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
