I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
