Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
