Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
