listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
