you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
