Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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