I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
