i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
