I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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