i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you traded sex for a burrito?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
