You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
