May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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