she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
