I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
