i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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