i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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