I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
