he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
