After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
