i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The beer is more important than you right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
