Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
