I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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