Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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