I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
