I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
