Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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