This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We need to rekindle our bromance
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When are your genitals available?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
