Say something about gay babies.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
